Sexuality
Sexualities are based on who individuals are sexually attracted to. This is not necessarily about who someone is having sex with, or how often, it is about attraction, including behaviours and actions, thoughts, feelings, and desires that someone may have towards someone else. Sexuality and sexual orientation describes the types of people someone may experience this type of attraction towards.
There are many different type of sexuality and they may differ throughout someone’s life.
Sexualities (A non-exhaustive list)
Allosexual
This is someone that feels sexual attraction towards other people, and may want to have sex with a partner or partners.
It can be an umbrella term, and allosexual individuals may also have additional orientations like bisexual, pansexual, etc..
Homosexual
Feeling sexually attracted to those that are the same or similar gender to themselves.
Gay is an umbrella term, but is typically used for men or masculine people who exclusively experience attraction to other men or other people with masculine-aligned identities.
Lesbian is typically used for women or feminine people that exclusively experience attraction to other women or other people with feminine-aligned identities.
Pansexual
Someone that experiences sexual attraction towards someone regardless of their gender identity.
Polysexual
Someone that is attracted to multiple genders, often two or more, but not necessarily all genders.
Omnisexual
Someone who experiences attraction to all genders and gender does factor into the attraction.
Asexual
Those who experience little or no sexual attraction, these individuals may or may not wish to engage in sexual activity with partners.
This is an umbrella term to describe a variety of orientations and degrees of and those that are asexual may also feel they identify with other sexual and romantic orientations.
Queer
Is a term that can be used to cover all variations of gender, sexuality, romantic attraction, and relationship types and it is used to explain that something is deviating from what is considered as the cultural norm (i.e. cisgender, heterosexual, heteroromantic, and monogamous).
In relation to sexuality, it still means to differ from the norm: this may be any non-heterosexual identity, it may be used to refer to attraction to a range of gender identities.
Queer may be used as an umbrella term to communicate this differing from the norm without having to delve into the nuances of an identity each time queerness is disclosed.
Heterosexual/ Straight
Someone that experiences sexual attraction to those of an ‘opposite’ or different gender to themselves.
Bisexual
Someone who experiences sexual attraction to more than one gender.
Bisexual can be used as an umbrella, too, to describe multi-gender attraction. The 4 main identities that fall under the umbrella are Bisexual, Pansexual, Omnisexual and Polysexual, but it can include many more like Queer and sexual fluidity.
To an extent, all of these terms are all umbrella terms. Human sexuality is incredibly complex, and isn’t necessarily fixed for everyone so someone’s orientations may change over time, someone else’s may not.
While two people may use the same labels to identify, their experiences of attraction and relationships may be quite different. It is up to the individual what labels they use to describe their identity, and what that label means to them. Some people may even choose not to use a label their sexualities.
There can be a lot of assumptions and misunderstandings drawn from labels when looking at them as concrete and rigid descriptions of attraction that are exactly the same for everyone that feels at home with that identity. Understanding these identities as somewhat general terms that can be fluid and changing, and can mean different things to each individual can go a long way with being more tolerant and accepting of one another, without feeling invalidated ourselves. For example, two men may describe themselves as heterosexual, but for one of them it may they are attracted to people all across the gender spectrum, excluding other men, and for the other it may mean being exclusively attracted to women. The first man’s understanding of his sexuality could also be understood with labels like bisexual or polysexual, it is up to him to decide what suits him and may still feel heterosexual is correct as he is attracted to those with differing gender identities to his own, and this does not mean the second man is incorrect, either, they both have found a label for an identity that feels right to them.
Finding a way to express yourself, in a way that makes you feel comfortable, is the most important thing.
The Asexual and Aromantic Umbrellas
or the Ace and Aro Umbrellas, if you’re fancy
Those under the Asexual umbrella are part of a spectrum: Asexuality Spectrum, Ace Spectrum, A-spec. Asexuality can mean someone does not experience sexual attraction in a way that is considered aligned with the cultural norm. This could mean they experience no sexual attraction, limited or conditional sexual attraction, or inconsistent sexual attraction. Those on the Ace Spectrum may respond to their experiences of attraction differently because Asexuality doesn’t mean the same as abstinence or celibacy, as some asexual people may chose to engage in sexual behaviours, interactions, or relationships, whereas, on the other end of the spectrum, some may be repulsed by everything to do with sex.
Asexuality in it’s own right is a sexual orientation, like bisexuality, but it may also be experienced in conjunction with another sexual or romantic orientation: someone may identify as an asexual lesbian, for example. Reduced, or changeable, or lack sexual attraction does not mean that someone cannot or does not have a preference when it comes to the gender identities of the partner, or partners they may have romantic or sexual relationships with.
The Asexuality Spectrum can have some overlap with the Aromantic Spectrum. Aromanticism (Aro Spectrum, Aro-Spec), means someone’s experiences of romantic attraction differ from the cultural norm, and in a large variety or ways: little or no attraction, fluctuating level of attraction, or attraction being felt under specific conditions.
We have put together some basic definitions of some of the identities that may fall into these categories:
Asexuality
Aceflux
Someone whose orientation fluctuates across the asexuality spectrum.
Acespike
Someone who rarely experiences sexual attraction, but will occasionally have a very intense spike in it.
Akiosexual (Lithosexual)
Someone who does experience sexual attraction, but these feelings are likely to fade if their feelings are reciprocated.
Ansexual
Someone that completely lacks interest in any sexual activity, pleasure, or attraction. This includes both their own interactions with these things, or hearing about other’s engagement with it.
Asexual
No sexual attraction is experienced.
Cupiosexual
Someone that does not experience sexual attraction, but still wants and/or enjoys a sexual relationship.
Demisexual
Someone that may experience sexual attraction, but once a deep emotional connection has been established.
Fraysexual
Someone that may experience sexual attraction for those that they do not have a strong emotional bond with, and the feelings may dissipate once the bond has been established.
Greysexual
Someone that may experience sexual attraction rarely- when this occurs the attraction may also be weak, and it may also be ambiguous.
Reciprosexual
Someone that may experience sexual attraction only once they know the person is attracted to them.
Aromanticism
Aegororomantic
Those that may enjoy the concept or idea of a romantic relationship, but do not wish to be in a romantic relationship and may not experience romantic attraction in ‘real life’.
Apothiromantic
Someone that does not feel romantic attraction, and can feel repulsed by it.
Aroflux
Someone whose orientation fluctuates across the aromantic spectrum.
Aromantic
Does not experience romantic attraction.
Bellusromantic
Being interested in typical or conventional romantic things, without wanting a relationship.
Cupioromantic
Someone that does not experience romantic attraction, but may desire a romantic relationship.
Demiromantic
Someone that may not experience romantic attraction to someone until they have developed a strong bond with someone.
Desinoromantic
Someone that experiences romantic attraction but there may be a limit to the depth of attraction they feel: they may ‘like’ someone, but it does not develop into romantic ‘love’.
Frayromantic
Someone that may experience romantic attraction until they get to know, or develop a bond with, the person they’re attracted to.
Greyromantic
Those that experience romantic attraction infrequently: some may feel it only once or twice in their lives, other may experience it more often, but still less than someone that may be considered alloromantic.
Lithromantic (Akioromantic)
Someone that experiences romantic attraction, but may lose the attraction if the feelings are reciprocated. They may like the idea of romance or a relationship in theory.
Quoiromantic
This may describe someone that struggles to differentiate between different types of attraction, like romantic or platonic, for example, therefore being uncertain about whether they have experienced romantic attraction.
Recipromantic
Someone that may experience romantic attraction, but only once they know the person is romantically interested in them.
Romantic Orientation
Sexual and romantic orientations are often assumed to be the same thing. Romantic orientation, or affectional orientation, describes the gender of or type of person someone experiences romantic attraction to, having an relationship with them, for example.
Sometimes, these two types of attraction can ’match’, for example, someone may be attracted romantically and sexually attracted to someone with the same gender identity as themselves, so they could be described as homoromantic and homosexual.
Sometimes, these things do not ‘match’: someone may be sexually attracted to people regardless of their gender identity but romantically attracted to only to those with the same gender identity as themselves, so could be described as homoromantic and pansexual.
There are no limits to these variations, and they may even change over time.