Queer, and the LGBTQ+ Community
The term queer has had many meanings since it was first entered the English Language in the 16th Century, beginning with meaning ‘unusual’ or ‘peculiar’, developing to mean ‘unwell’, and further to describe those deemed as ‘sexual deviants’. It used to describe only lesbian and gay people, but the definition has since expanded to include all members of the LGBTQ+ community, if they wish to use it.
Not all members of the community like or use the word queer, as it is a word that has held a lot of pain for the LGBTQ+ Community for it has been used to cause harm, as a slur, against the community, as have many other words. There has been movement to reclaim the term, to celebrate that those in the LGBTQ+ community are queer as they do differ and deviate from what is considered the norm, therefore the queer is occasionally used as an alternative to LGBTQ+. There is no right an wrong in this; to penalize someone for using the word can be seen as punishing them for being proud of their differences, and to penalize someone for not wishing to use the word can be dismissive of the hurt associated with it.
Any use of this word here, on our website, should be understood as in reference to the reclamation, and that it is in celebration of the differences the community possess.
As on our page about gender, on this page we will be covering some sexual, romantic, and relationship orientations and types that can all be understood as being under the queer umbrella because of how they fall outside of what western society deems ‘normal’.
Sexuality
Sexualities are based on who individuals are sexually attracted to. This is not necessarily about who someone is having sex with, or how often, it is about attraction, including behaviours and actions, thoughts, feelings, and desires that someone may have towards someone else. Sexuality and sexual orientation describes the types of people someone may experience this type of attraction towards.
There are many different type of sexuality and they may differ throughout someone’s life.
“Just because someone may decide to come out to family or friends, it doesn’t mean they have to come out to everyone. It’s quite common for people to be out in certain areas of their lives but not in others.”
Sexualities (A non-exhaustive list)
Allosexual
This is someone that feels sexual attraction towards other people, and may want to have sex with a partner or partners.
It can be an umbrella term, and allosexual individuals may also have additional orientations like bisexual, pansexual, etc..
Homosexual
Feeling sexually attracted to those that are the same or similar gender to themselves.
Gay is an umbrella term, but is typically used for men or masculine people who exclusively experience attraction to other men or other people with masculine-aligned identities.
Lesbian is typically used for women or feminine people that exclusively experience attraction to other women or other people with feminine-aligned identities.
Pansexual
Someone that experiences sexual attraction towards someone regardless of their gender identity.
Polysexual
Someone that is attracted to multiple genders, often two or more, but not necessarily all genders.
Omnisexual
Someone who experiences attraction to all genders and gender does factor into the attraction.
Asexual
Those who experience little or no sexual attraction, these individuals may or may not wish to engage in sexual activity with partners.
This is an umbrella term to describe a variety of orientations and degrees of and those that are asexual may also feel they identify with other sexual and romantic orientations.
Queer
Is a term that can be used to cover all variations of gender, sexuality, romantic attraction, and relationship types and it is used to explain that something is deviating from what is considered as the cultural norm (i.e. cisgender, heterosexual, heteroromantic, and monogamous).
In relation to sexuality, it still means to differ from the norm: this may be any non-heterosexual identity, it may be used to refer to attraction to a range of gender identities.
Queer may be used as an umbrella term to communicate this differing from the norm without having to delve into the nuances of an identity each time queerness is disclosed.
Heterosexual/ Straight
Someone that experiences sexual attraction to those of an ‘opposite’ or different gender to themselves.
Bisexual
Someone who experiences sexual attraction to more than one gender.
Bisexual can be used as an umbrella, too, to describe multi-gender attraction. The 4 main identities that fall under the umbrella are Bisexual, Pansexual, Omnisexual and Polysexual, but it can include many more like Queer and sexual fluidity.
To an extent, all of these terms are all umbrella terms. Human sexuality is incredibly complex, and isn’t necessarily fixed for everyone so someone’s orientations may change over time, someone else’s may not.
While two people may use the same labels to identify, their experiences of attraction and relationships may be quite different. It is up to the individual what labels they use to describe their identity, and what that label means to them. Some people may even choose not to use a label their sexualities.
There can be a lot of assumptions and misunderstandings drawn from labels when looking at them as concrete and rigid descriptions of attraction that are exactly the same for everyone that feels at home with that identity. Understanding these identities as somewhat general terms that can be fluid and changing, and can mean different things to each individual can go a long way with being more tolerant and accepting of one another, without feeling invalidated ourselves. For example, two men may describe themselves as heterosexual, but for one of them it may they are attracted to people all across the gender spectrum, excluding other men, and for the other it may mean being exclusively attracted to women. The first man’s understanding of his sexuality could also be understood with labels like bisexual or polysexual, it is up to him to decide what suits him and may still feel heterosexual is correct as he is attracted to those with differing gender identities to his own, and this does not mean the second man is incorrect, either, they both have found a label for an identity that feels right to them.
Finding a way to express yourself, in a way that makes you feel comfortable, is the most important thing.
The Asexual and Aromantic Umbrellas
or the Ace and Aro Umbrellas, if you’re fancy
Those under the Asexual umbrella are part of a spectrum: Asexuality Spectrum, Ace Spectrum, A-spec. Asexuality can mean someone does not experience sexual attraction in a way that is considered aligned with the cultural norm. This could mean they experience no sexual attraction, limited or conditional sexual attraction, or inconsistent sexual attraction. Those on the Ace Spectrum may respond to their experiences of attraction differently because Asexuality doesn’t mean the same as abstinence or celibacy, as some asexual people may chose to engage in sexual behaviours, interactions, or relationships, whereas, on the other end of the spectrum, some may be repulsed by everything to do with sex.
Asexuality in it’s own right is a sexual orientation, like bisexuality, but it may also be experienced in conjunction with another sexual or romantic orientation: someone may identify as an asexual lesbian, for example. Reduced, or changeable, or lack sexual attraction does not mean that someone cannot or does not have a preference when it comes to the gender identities of the partner, or partners they may have romantic or sexual relationships with.
The Asexuality Spectrum can have some overlap with the Aromantic Spectrum. Aromanticism (Aro Spectrum, Aro-Spec), means someone’s experiences of romantic attraction differ from the cultural norm, and in a large variety or ways: little or no attraction, fluctuating level of attraction, or attraction being felt under specific conditions. One can be asexual without being aromantic, and can be aromantic without being asexual.
We have put together some basic definitions of some of the identities that may fall into these categories:
Asexuality
Aceflux
Someone whose orientation fluctuates across the asexuality spectrum.
Acespike
Someone who rarely experiences sexual attraction, but will occasionally have a very intense spike in it.
Akiosexual (Lithosexual)
Someone who does experience sexual attraction, but these feelings are likely to fade if their feelings are reciprocated.
Ansexual
Someone that completely lacks interest in any sexual activity, pleasure, or attraction. This includes both their own interactions with these things, or hearing about other’s engagement with it.
Asexual
No sexual attraction is experienced.
Cupiosexual
Someone that does not experience sexual attraction, but still wants and/or enjoys a sexual relationship.
Demisexual
Someone that may experience sexual attraction, but once a deep emotional connection has been established.
Fraysexual
Someone that may experience sexual attraction for those that they do not have a strong emotional bond with, and the feelings may dissipate once the bond has been established.
Greysexual
Someone that may experience sexual attraction rarely- when this occurs the attraction may also be weak, and it may also be ambiguous.
Reciprosexual
Someone that may experience sexual attraction only once they know the person is attracted to them.
Aromanticism
Aegororomantic
Those that may enjoy the concept or idea of a romantic relationship, but do not wish to be in a romantic relationship and may not experience romantic attraction in ‘real life’.
Apothiromantic
Someone that does not feel romantic attraction, and can feel repulsed by it.
Aroflux
Someone whose orientation fluctuates across the aromantic spectrum.
Aromantic
Does not experience romantic attraction.
Bellusromantic
Being interested in typical or conventional romantic things, without wanting a relationship.
Cupioromantic
Someone that does not experience romantic attraction, but may desire a romantic relationship.
Demiromantic
Someone that may not experience romantic attraction to someone until they have developed a strong bond with someone.
Desinoromantic
Someone that experiences romantic attraction but there may be a limit to the depth of attraction they feel: they may ‘like’ someone, but it does not develop into romantic ‘love’.
Frayromantic
Someone that may experience romantic attraction until they get to know, or develop a bond with, the person they’re attracted to.
Greyromantic
Those that experience romantic attraction infrequently: some may feel it only once or twice in their lives, other may experience it more often, but still less than someone that may be considered alloromantic.
Lithromantic (Akioromantic)
Someone that experiences romantic attraction, but may lose the attraction if the feelings are reciprocated. They may like the idea of romance or a relationship in theory.
Quoiromantic
This may describe someone that struggles to differentiate between different types of attraction, like romantic or platonic, for example, therefore being uncertain about whether they have experienced romantic attraction.
Recipromantic
Someone that may experience romantic attraction, but only once they know the person is romantically interested in them.
Romantic Orientation
Sexual and romantic orientations are often assumed to be the same thing. Romantic orientation, or affectional orientation, describes the gender of or type of person someone experiences romantic attraction to, having an relationship with them, for example.
Sometimes, these two types of attraction can ’match’, for example, someone may be attracted romantically and sexually attracted to someone with the same gender identity as themselves, so they could be described as homoromantic and homosexual.
Sometimes, these things do not ‘match’: someone may be sexually attracted to people regardless of their gender identity but romantically attracted to only to those with the same gender identity as themselves, so could be described as homoromantic and pansexual.
There are no limits to these variations, and they may even change over time.
Not everyone experiences romantic attraction, those that don’t typically fall under the Aromantic Umbrella, and similarly to the Asexual Umbrella, it describes a spectrum of identities relating to romantic attraction that deviate from the cultural norm. In relation to romantic attraction, the cultural norm is described as Alloromantic.
Multi-gender Attraction
Multisexual, or multiromantic are umbrella terms for those that experience romantic and/or sexual attraction to more than one gender. This is in contrast to identities that describe attractions to one gender, like heterosexuality and homosexuality (monosexual orientations), and also with homoromanticism and heteroromanticism (monoromantic orientations).
Multi-gender attractions can also sometimes be referred to as the Bisexual Umbrella, or the Bi+ Umbrella. While there are differences between the few identities discussed in this section, some people may choose to describe themselves as bisexual due to their identity being included under the umbrella, others will choose to express themselves by using some of the other terms as they allow the differences between identities to be communicated with greater accuracy,
Bisexual
Those that identify as bisexual typically experience sexual attraction to two or more specific genders.
This has always included attraction to transgender people, cisgender people and those with non-binary genders.
Omnisexual
Omnisexuality describes those that experience sexual attraction to all genders. For omnisexuals, gender factors into their attraction- this could mean that, while they can be attracted to all genders, they have a preference, or attractions may feel different depending on the gender of the person they’re attracted to.
Pansexual
Pansexuality describes sexual attraction to all genders, where the gender of the person does not factor into the attraction.
Pansexual people had been involved with the bisexual community since 1970s, but in 1990s, pansexuality began to emerge, and become established, as a unique identity.
Polysexual
Polysexuals typically experience sexual attraction to many, but not all, genders.
One of the discussed differences between polysexuality, and bisexuality is that typically bisexuals experience attraction to individuals of the same gender as themselves, polysexuals may not.
Biromantic
Biromantic people often feel romantic attraction to two or more specific genders, not not necessarily all genders.
This term is relatively new, it was seemingly coined in July 2015, allowing those that identify with the term to describe their experiences of attraction more accurately.
Omniromantic
Omniromantic people are those that experience romantic attraction to those of every gender.
Omniromantic people may have a gender preference when it comes to partners, and the attraction they feel may differ depending on the gender of the person they are experiencing attraction towards.
Panromantic
Panromantic people are romantically attracted to those of all genders, regardless of their gender.
Polyromantic
Polysexual people experience romantic attraction to many different genders, but not necessarily all.
This is not the same as polyamory, which is having or being open to having multiple relationships, with all parties consenting.
Relationship Orientations, and relationship styles
Relationship hierarchies and relationship anarchy
Relationship hierarchy is a way of describing how certain relationships or partners are prioritised over others, this could be romantic partnerships being treated with greater importance than other sexual or platonic relationships, it could also be prioritising one romantic partner over another- this can sometimes be seen as individuals referring to having a ‘primary’, ‘secondary’, ‘tertiary’, etc. partners.
Dynamics like these may be seen in instances where an individual has plans with a friend or secondary partner, for example, but the individual cancels the plans to spend time (non-emergency) with their primary/romantic partner instead.
Relationship anarchy describes the de-prioritisation of one relationship over another, and the removal of hierarchy from sexual, romantic, and platonic relationships. This can mean that a sexual relationship is given the same importance as a romantic one, for example. This does not mean that every relationship is treated the same, as everyone’s needs will differ, but that everyone that has a relationship with someone that practices relationship anarchy should have their needs, expectations, and time given the same respect as their other relationships.
Neither of these practices are exclusive to monogamy or non-monogamy in particular, but relationship anarchy is more often seen in non-monogamy as it is a challenging of established social norms in relationships.
Polyamorous relationships
Polyamory is having, or desiring to have, multiple intimate relationships, simultaneously, with the consent of all participants. It is a type of non-monogamy.
There are may different types of polyamory, and these relationship structures or dynamics depend on the needs and preferences of those engaging in the relationships. Polyamory is not limited to one gender identity, or romantic or sexual orientations- a polyamorous identity typically is in addition to other orientations and identities.
Monogamous Relationships
The practice of having, or desiring to have one romantic or sexual partner at a time.
This is what western society often deems to be the social norm, with the expectation that an individual may have only one committed romantic partner at a time, and that any romantic, sexual, or intimate interaction outside of that relationship would be considered infidelity.
Non-Monogamous relationships
Non-monogamy is the practice of having or desiring more than one partner at a time. This could be multiple romantic or intimate relationships, or it could be one romantic relationship but exploring sexual relationships outside of that.
Non-monogamy is not the same as cheating, which is done without the consent or consideration of their established partner/s; non-monogamy is typically done with consent, and with the boundaries being established between parties.
Types of non-monogamy are polyamory (this is being used as an umbrella term here); swinging- sometimes seen as a lifestyle: couples ‘swap’ partners or has sex with other couples; open relationships- couples agree to being comfortable with one or both parties exploring sexual relationships or connections with others, but nothing romantic or that would challenge their relationship; monogamish- typically a couple that is committed to one another, but is comfortable with one or both parties having occasional sexual interactions with other people. These last 3 are different from polyamory because they typically allow sexual relationships or encounters only.
Queerplatonic Relationships
These are relationships or partnerships that are not romantic, but are friendly with levels of intimacy and commitment that, typically, are associated with romantic partnerships. They are referred to as queerplatonic relationships or partnerships because they are ‘queering’, or deviating, from what it considered the cultural norm for both romantic and platonic connections- they are directly addressing how lines of platonic, romantic, and sexual attractions can cross and blur.
Often, these relationships include two or more participants, of any gender.
As with any relationship, the bounds of a queerplatonic relationship are shaped by the participants. Some people may engage in behaviours that are often understood as romantic or sexual, like kissing, or having sex, or holding hands- some may even get platonically married and have children together- others may not, and they may not share much or any physical intimacy, but they may still have strong emotional intimacy.
Some people may have multiple queerplatonic relationships, and these will likely look different from each other as it depends on the desires and dynamics of those in the relationships. The common theme in all of these partnerships is that these relationships are treated with the same importance, loyalty, and prioritisation that would often be expected in ‘typical’ romantic relationships.
